Is it ok just to be yourself? Also when you're sad, feel vulnerable and unsure or just have it a bit difficult? Or in reverse – is it ok to be strong, to stand up for yourself - when you might usually make yourself smaller than you are?
Many of us have difficulty in showing us to others when we feel vulnerable and insecure, since we have often learned from childhood that these feelings are closely related to the sense of guilt and shame.
In our adult life, this can be experienced as a need to hide ourselves when we feel we are not perfect, strong or at the top - for fear of rejection or not being good enough.
An evil circle
In many ways we have learned or gained the perception that we are worth more when we are strong, show control of everything, are happy and effective. Therefore, we make us extra strong, tough or isolate ourselves when feelings of unworthiness, fear or loneliness appear and we do not even think we can share those feelings with anyone.
This is immensely painful in itself, but adding to this we often begin to criticize and judge ourselves hard and excruciatingly.
It is an evil circle that strengthens the feeling of being inadequate and not good enough as we are. We have the idealized depiction that we must always be able to perform, be strong, clarified and be on top. And so we try in all possible ways to cover our vulnerability and natural insecurity, which for some is like showing weakness.
When we disown ourselves
When we thus deny some of the sides within ourselves, we begin to feel even more empty and deficient and no matter how much success we have on the outside, then these feelings of not being entirely good and lovable enough will torment our hearts. It is an emptiness that we for everything in the world must hide away - both to ourselves and to our surroundings.
We thus disconnect from ourselves and others, and lose the inner and outer contact, where we really need it the most.
Strength, integrity and deep relationships
Let me emphasize: it is not weakness to be the vulnerable. Maybe on the contrary. Maybe it's a true sign of strength and integrity when you dare to be yourself - both when you are strong and when you are so-called weak. In other words, being a completely natural person.
Therefore, it is so healing and liberating when we can sometimes share our vulnerability and our true feelings and thoughts with each other. It gives depth and meaning in our relationships. We discover that we are perfectly ok as we are and that we basically know the same feelings and thoughts as so many others do. That we are not alone. That vulnerability at the same time makes us more alive, strong and loving.
Doing therapy or coaching empowers you
If you right now do not have someone to share your feelings and thoughts with, or you do not know how to handle it, it's a good idea to learn it in a safe space with a good therapist.
In both individual sessions and in trainings, you have the opportunity to experience how one's vulnerability or feelings of deficiency can become the doorway for greater understanding, acceptance and self-development.
When we learn to hold and love ourselves, we will also find it easier to share ourselves more truly and clearly with others. And it's so beneficial in all relationships and circustances.
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